Over his first 162 games in the Majors, Ryan Braun batted .310 with 47 homers and 133 RBIs.

Did you see that dominant win by home run hitter Big Braun at the Preakness Stakes yesterday?

And is it any question that he’s a virtual lock to win the Triple Crown at the Belmont Stakes next month, much like his Braunian namesake and fellow thoroughbred is in the National League this season?

Brownspeed,

Dean

This first entry is long overdue. My apologies to Conor Jackson for keeping quiet so long and for missing the opportunity to brag about his breakthrough season. He deserved better. After all, almost everyone — scouts, pundits and even some colleagues — said this guy was nothing special. They called him too boring, too slow and too weak  to match up against other hard-hitting first basemen.

But that’s what makes Co-Jack Co-Jack.

He can’t outrun Michael Bourn to the dinner table, beat Ryan Braun in an arm-wrestling match or create an F-5 tornado by swinging and missing like Ryan Howard. He’s got no superpowers.  He’s your average, run-of-the-mill hitter, the kind of guy kids never know about because toy companies don’t create figurines for guys named Conor.

Well, if he can keep making fools of his critics, and build on this .331 average, this Conor may just get his own figurine, after all …

- Alex Cushing

In a rousing development, MLB.com has learned that Ryan Braun, much like Braun Jovi in the “Living on a Prayer” video, has telekinetic powers.

This rare talent is clearly illustrated in the photo to the right.

Perhaps this explains his ability to make baseballs soar hundreds of feet with uncanny ease.

By the way, why is it always “uncanny”? Can it ever be just “canny”? I believe it canny.

Braunspeed,

Dean

Howard has 54 strikeouts in 39 games. I’m going to win! Unless, of course, he does what he did last year, which was catch fire in May and slug 1.786 over his final 100 games.

– You Ott to know

With back-to-back two-homer games, LeBraun is back on track for a
monster, even Brauntosaurus Rexian season.

And if you think it’s any
coincidence that another king, also named LeBron, has led his team to
back-to-back wins in the Eastern Conference semis, then you just don’t
understand baseketball.

After 19 games, Michael Bourn has 11 steals, meaning he is on pace to steal 94 bases. Not bad, although not overly comforting considering Bourn’s meager. 211 average. If he doesn’t get his average up in the .240-.250 range, there will be no shot of him seeing enough ABs to make a serious run at 100 steals.

A few quick notes:

- Vince Coleman, the last guy to steal 100 bases, had 16 steals after 19 games in 1987. That put him on pace for 136, and he eventually wound up with 109.

- While Bourn has been disappointing at the plate thus far, resident bold predictor Tim Ott has been a bigger disappointment. His initial prediction that Brandon Lyon would save 50 games was a disaster, so we let him switch. Ott then forecasted that Kosuke Fukudome would win the MVP, a prediction that isn’t fun to follow on a daily basis. So Alex, Dean and I decided to allow Ott to make a second switch and revert back to his initial backup prediction that Ryan Howard would strike out 240 times this season.

How exactly did Ryan Braun establish himself as the greatest hitter ever in such a short period of time?

MLB.com’s resident seer and same-name theorist, Dave Feldman, got to the bottom of Braun’s Brauniness and unlocked the origin of Braundom in a very Braunian edition of Unusual Suspects last September 5.

According to Feldman, “On May 26, a single day after Ryan Braun the hitter made his debut,
Ryan Braun the pitcher imploded by allowing five earned runs in two
short innings as his ERA skyrocketed to 7.94 in what was easily his
worst outing of the season. In fact, during the Braunian Era, the
Royals reliever’s ERA sits at a paltry 7.15, compared to the 4.82 mark
he posted before his hot-shot namesake got the call.”

True to the prophecy, things continued to spiral out of control for Ryan Braun the pitcher, whose After Braun earned run average (ABERA) climbed to 7.20 by the end of 2007. Just when you thought things couldn’t get any worse, he was optioned to Triple-A during Spring Training and may never see a big league mound again.

Which, as the theory goes, virtually guarantees the continued ascent of Ryan Braun the hitter.

Braunspeed,

Dean

Michael Bourn, the fastest man on turf (that would have been a great nickname if the Astros still played in the Astrodome, but unfortunately it doesn’t really work), swiped two more bases tonight, giving him six in eight games. While he has a long way to go to achieve Mickey Rivers and Vince Coleman status on my all-time basestealers list, the first week of the season has been an impressive one for Bourn. 

In the eighth inning of tonight’s game vs. St Louis, Bourn got such an amazing jump, that by the time Yadier Molina stood up to throw to second base, Bourn was already sliding in safe. Might have been the easiest steal of second ever.

Looks like Dean (Ryan Braun – 2 HR in 6 games) and Alex (Conor Jackson – .385) are keeping pace, while Tim’s Brandon Lyon prediction might rank right up there with when my dad predicted in the NY Post that Michael Spinks would beat Mike Tyson in one round.

Bourn is looking great on the bases, and if he can just keep his average above .250 and remain in the leadoff spot the entire season, 100 SBs should be a lock (just jinxed his career with that ridiculous statement).